Before you start to worry, I’m fine! This seclusion from my typical reality wasn’t physical but mental. Creatively, I was in a rut. This happens from time to time but for me, personally, it had never been to the extent that I experienced. I just couldn’t engage anymore. The well was completely dry. So, what did I do? The most logical thing one can in a situation like this. Continue to further distance myself from my craft while simultaneously beating myself up about not being able to perform.
For those who followed the Instagram you would’ve notice a gradual decline in new content. What you may not have known is that you were seeing content created weeks or even months before. I previously had a reserve which has now been completely depleted. It was as if I lost the ability to produce anything new. I struggled so hard the few times I worked up the courage to try. In a moment of total despair, I declared myself to be in lockdown and checked into creative quarantine.
As if the mental state of emergency wasn’t enough, I began to have doubts about my purpose which were fueled by my uncertainty of the future. Is this really the right path for me? Will I ever be the success that I envision? Is my plan feasible? Those are some of the milder thoughts racing through my subconscious almost consistently. Even when I wasn’t thinking about it, I was thinking about it. As a result, I did nothing. For a little over a month I didn’t write, didn’t plan, no new graphics were made. I would even go days without checking the page, only popping in a few times to reshare content previously posted.
After a couple weeks of self-loathing, I felt as if it was time to face the issue before me. Like most of you the creative in me was ready to be “outside” again. I started to ask myself hard questions without fear of the possible responses. I realized in several areas of my life I was still expecting external validation. In addition, I had placed myself on a realistically nonexistent timer. In my mind, the world wasn’t responding fast enough to the desires of my heart. That’s frustrating especially when you know you’ve been putting in the work. It was in the midst of this chaos, on a night where I was dangerously close to a meltdown, that I wrote my first quote in a long time. “I have no idea what the future holds but I know I can control my present”. Though simple, those words impacted me in a big way.
At that point I knew what I had to do. Start enjoying the journey again. Its so easy to get caught up in your perceived losses that you forget to appreciate what you do have in the moment. Whenever you’re feeling discouraged its important to remember why you started. It took me a while to accept that realization, but I did. Now I can say boldly and proudly say that my appreciation for what we’ve built has deepened. I got my zest back. Now my days are sweeter, the sun shines brighter, and my book is filled with new ideas to share with you. Total days in isolation: too many, but now we’re back and so much better.
